Jinx Jerks!
by BlackShadowFlamez
Summary: Axel and Demyx team up to wreak havoc upon the inhabitants of the Castle That Never Was, yet Roxas wants no part of it! What’s in store for the rest of the castle?


**My first Kingdom Hearts story posted on FF! Such a proud moment XD I hope you enjoy!!**

* * *

"No."

"But why not?! This will be the best batch of pranks ever carried out in the history of forever!"

"I don't want to be caught up in whatever punishment and most heinous beatings you are bound to receive this time around. I still have scars from the last time when Xemnas beat us black and blue for messing with his itinerary of evilness. I never knew soap could be used in such ways until then…" Roxas shuttered at the memory.

"But Roxas! This will be the most epic set of pranks known to mankind! We've already got everything ready to go and the more the merrier!" Demyx pleaded.

It was that time a year again when the Castle was on high alert for anything suspicious that could somehow be used as a prank by Roxas, Axel, and Demyx. They decided that this year would be the year to top everything and Axel and Demyx needed every pair of hands possible.

"Gah…you're sure? It will be fun…we're starting with Marly first…." Axel tempted.

Everyone with a set of eyeballs and a brain could see Marluxia was either totally flaming gay (which he denied vehemently) or just too feminine, which made him a girl (Lexaeus still couldn't tell him apart from Larxene and always referred to him as Flower Lady, which pissed him off more than anything in the world).

"Ok…my interest is piqued. What are you going to do to him?" Roxas asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well…first we are switching out his plant food for something with…more of a kick you could say. And tomorrow when he goes back to do the daily care of his beloved flowers, they'll be something else entirely."

Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Wow. This will be a sight to see. You guys have fun with that."

Roxas closed the door in their faces.

"He'll come around. Probably when he sees what we've got in store for everyone else!"

Axel and Demyx laughed as they walked down the hallways, not thinking about the world of pain that would be coming their way soon.

* * *

The next morning, Axel and Demyx got up extremely early to set up for their prank on Marluxia. Making their way to his garden, they replaced his spritzer bottle with an extreme growth hormone they had concocted in Vexen's lab while he was out. They gave each other humored looks and snuck back out waiting eagerly for the fruits of their plot to ripen and fall off the tree.

"Ah…such a bright, sunshiny day!" The Graceful Assassin, Marluxia, the Organizations number XII said as he walked down the hallway toward his own private garden.

It was filled to the brim with the brightest and most fragrant flowers he could find, and he was quite proud of it.

"Time to give my babies some love!"

He went over to the table and picked up his spritzer bottle full of plan food and started to spray his most prized flowers, Lunar Blossoms with generous amounts of his special, secret plant food formula. Nothing seemed out of the norm, so he switched bottles and began to tend to the rest of his flowers, all while crooning to them (like they could actually understand). Little did Marly know that his precious Lunar Blossoms were experiencing a change…a very sinister change indeed.

"Demyx! Demyx, where are you?!" Marly called out.

Demyx appeared out of a portal.

"What is it, Marluxia?"

He sounded annoyed.

"Be a dear and give life to my babies, please."

"Now that doesn't sound homosexual at all…" Demyx replied. "You sure you're not a chick?"

He dodged a watering can, but was hit with a very heavy flowerpot instead.

"Owie! Geez my bad, it was just a joke!" Demyx whined, holding his head.

Marly didn't look too pleased.

"Water the damn plants (sorry my darlings!) and get the hell out of here…before I rape you with a rake!"

"…Oh dear. Fine…lousy plants…" Demyx grumbled under his breath as he began to sprinkle water on Marluxia's plants.

He laughed to himself, thinking of the whacked out plant hormone he and Axel had switched, and hoped and prayed it would work.

"I'm done now so I'm heading out."

"Fine, but tell Axel I need some ash and be quick about it."

"Yes, princess."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. Have fun," Demyx replied innocently, disappearing into a portal before Marluxia could answer back.

Axel was waiting nearby.

"The hormone kicked in yet?" he asked.

"No, but Princess Marly needs you to bring her some ash. Maybe that will make it kick in?"

"Hopefully, as long as I'm not around to see it!" Axel laughed as he disappeared to go get the bag of ash he was forced to keep to fertilize Marluxia's flowers with.

"Took you long enough," Marluxia said, clearly impatient as Axel showed up.

"Don't get your G-String in a knot. I had to go collect it," Axel replied as the ash bag was snatched from his hand.

"Have you been digging around my underwear drawer again??"

"Uh…no. I just assumed…"

"Get out!! Right now before I shove this watering can so far up your ass you will piss and shit metal for a week!"

"Yeesh…still can't take a joke, eh?" Axel rolled his eyes, brushing off Marly's angry outburst.

"I can handle a joke just fine, but I'm tired of people second-guessing my sexuality! I'm a boy dammit!" Marly shrieked, stomping his foot for emphasis.

"Whatever you say…is that all you need? I'm going to head off now."

"GET OUT!!!" Marly yelled, throwing a flowerpot that ended up smashing into the wall.

"Damn Axel and Demyx! Why doesn't anyone take me seriously?!"

"Maybe because you have a pink scythe and have nature power, bra."

Xigbar appeared out of a portal, the smell of booze on his breath.

"Get out of here you drunkard. I don't need you fouling up the air in my sanctuary."

The Organization members had yet to witness a time where Xigbar had not been totally smashed. Yet, when he was hardcore drunk, he still functioned in a coherent, reasonable manner, as if he was sober after all (which probably never happened).

"Now listen here, bra. If you would act a bit more manly, like me for example, people would have no problem taking you serious. But since your power isn't cool like the rest of ours, it's a lose-lose situation for you."

He took a swig from a flask in his coat, accidentally sloshing some onto Marly's Lunar Blossoms. The plants absorbed it greedily.

"Watch where you spill that you drunken monkey!" Marly yelled.

"That's another problem you have, bra. You are waaaay too uptight! Take a chill-pill and relax, man! Enjoy life and all that that it brings forth."

"Have you been reading Zexion's self-help books again?"

"Maaaybeee…"

"Why is a drunken log giving me advice? Get out of here Xigbar before I stab you in your good eye with a pitchfork."

"Mmmkay bra, but remember what I told ya…"

He disappeared into a portal.

"Why can't people leave me alone…? I hope whatever alcohol he tried to drown my plants with doesn't kill them."

Marly shut the lights off and let the moonlight in. In the darkness, something sinister began to take shape.

* * *

"How long will it take for that crap to kick in? Nothing seemed like it was working…" Demyx pondered out loud to Axel when they met the next morning to talk about the progress of their first prank.

"Hmm…maybe we should have read the vials and beakers more carefully. This is probably why Vexen wont let us near anything that has 'Warning: Poisonous', 'Caution: Extremely Flammable', 'May Cause Serious Eye Injury', 'Do Not Shake Profusely'…the list goes on and on," Axel rambled, counting on his fingers.

"Yeesh…no wonder I never became a scientist. Too many things that could go…"

Demyx was cut short by a girlie scream and a strong tremor.

"Oh snap."

Axel ran down the hallway toward Marluxia's garden. Before he could even open the door, a giant green tentacle crashed through the door and grabbed him, pulling him inside. Demyx barely avoided being grabbed by a second one.

"Holy Mother of Pearl!" he whistled as he looked into the garden.

Three huge tentacled monsters stood in the flowerbeds, one holding Marly, who was still screaming like a girl, and another held Axel who looked like he was going to hurl from motion sickness and burst out laughing at the same time. The third monster was busy breaking flowerpots and trying to break into the shed where stored all of his fertilizer. Demyx soon began to see that was a bad thing. In his mind, the equation came out like this:

Three giant, evil plant monsters+ one shed full of fertilizer= No more Castle That Never Was and a most heinous beating by Xemnas and Marluxia.

Also, seeing as his powers were water-based, he realized that he was pretty much useless and that the only way to beat these creatures was to use Axel's fire power, he decided that freeing Axel might be a good thing.

"Oi, Marluxia!! Use your nature powers to free Axel or say goodbye to your garden forever!" Demyx shouted while trying to doge a mass of incoming flowerpots that were now being launched around in the room in an angry frenzy.

Marly stopped screaming (finally) and called back,

"I will try!"

Marluxia wriggled his arms out from the plant monster's deadly grip and summoned his scythe, using it to cut through the tentacles and be free at last. What he didn't plan for was the meeting between his face and the cold hard ground. After hastily getting in the upright position, he ran over to the monster which held Axel, all the while doing Matrix moves to dodge flowerpots, and freed Axel who landed head first in a pile of soil.

"Axel! Use your epic powers of fire and burn these mutha trucka's to a crisp!" Demyx yelled out, trying to sound gangster.

"Demyx! If I don't come back from this alive, there is one thing I want to say to you! Axel shouted back.

"What is it?"

"LAAAAME!" Axel cried as he rushed forward, chakrams blazing, shooting fire at the plant monsters.

They screamed and cried as Axel burned them to a crisp with his amazing fire powers, also accidentally catching Marly's hair on fire, which cuased him to stop, drop, and roll repeatedly. Soon, all that was left of the plants (and the rest of Marluxia's garden for that matter) was ash. Lots and lots of smoking black ash.

"Um, Axel. I think you overdid it man."

Nothing had been spared from Axel's heroic attempt to destroy the plant monsters. All of Marly's hard work had, literally, gone up in flames.

"AXEL!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE????!!!" came a hysterical shriek from one of the smoldering flower beds.

"Oh snap."

* * *

"I told you so," Roxas chastised as he looked at the sorry state Axel and Demyx were in.

"Don't rub it in, man. The only way to describe the pain _we're_ in is if you had a baby through your ear. And we all know _that's_ not possible."

Axel and Demyx were bruised, bloody, and broken in as many places Marly had time to bruise, bloody, and break.

"Next time we'll have to be_ especially_ careful not to get caught. It's going to take a l_ong_ time for us to heal."

Roxas did a double-take.

"There is going to be a '_next time_'? Don't you guys ever learn?"

Demyx and Axel both laughed, grinning a mile wide a piece.

"Nope!" they laughed in unison.

Roxas couldn't help but smile, and shake his head, wondering how he could call these two boneheads his best friends.

* * *

**Ah!! Finally it is complete! It took me like a million years to finally post this first chapter, and I have to say it was the longest, funnest chapter I have ever written!! Reviews and/or constructive criticisms would be most welcome ^^ and if you have a suggestion for what should happen to a specific Organization member, feel free to tell me! I will take all suggestions in account when I get to the person. Happy reading! **


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